I hit the double three. Well, most of my friends already did. And some other friends will, in their own time. So what’s the big deal that my eyebrows met in one line? That there was an unspoken frustration ready to burst like an over-inflated balloon?
The big deal is I am apparently ‘SINGLE’, grating cheese for the spaghetti topping and scooping ice cream for my nieces instead of having my own baby on my hip or making one.
Don’t get me wrong. Not that I detest being with my family nor that I am that desperate being tied and stripped while dressed in a cheerleader skirt.
In my narrow mind, that was just not that way I planned to mark my 33rd birthday.
You see, from the time I hit 28, there is something big and bold in my yearly journal that spells how I was slapped by adulthood. From losing my adoptive mom, and half the clan, to having an instant bank account that can swipe at least 4 to 8 authentic Louis Vuitton bags. (I tried to buy a husband, but the ex was not for sale. I did not spend on LVs as well and spent it on happiness instead so don’t make me account.) From changing my time zone to exploring options. From being lost and weak and to being found and saved.
But of course, when hormonal levels strike balance, senses were back as swiftly. Logic overrides the longing.
In between sipping wine and nibbling cheese and ham under the stars with my good old sorority sisters, exchanging friendly banters and sharing heavy midnight meals with my brothers, it slapped me how good life is. I found happiness again in life’s simple pleasures. Happiness that does not depend on forcing myself into becoming someone into somebody else’s life.
There is something comforting meeting good old friends. It was like fitting into old clothes. Comfortable and warm. The hugs, the laughter, the old jokes and the reminder of who you were once. And as my old dreams and paths once taken were revisited, I am reminded of the life’s gifts and realizations:
1. That deep in your heart of hearts, no matter how deep the shits you have been, there is somebody that you want to be… and something that you want to do for yourself… Pursue it. Whether you are single, attached or married, because you are accountable for your own worth and happiness.
2. That saying “I wish I had time to…” for learning new things, reading good books or whatever is it that you want in your life is a crime. Because you have the time and you can find time.
3. That you’ll miss your parents when they are gone (to my adoptive mom) and that no matter how unaffected you claim you are, you’ll miss your family when you’re away, and sometimes you’ll cry. So don’t miss the opportunity of saying ‘I love you’, or ‘I’m sorry’ when needed.
4. For one like me who has lived solo and survived on instant noodles and fast food for 16 years, there’s a delight on taking it on mom’s kitchen:
§ There is always the right size of pot and pan for whatever you need to boil or sauté
§ It’s easier and faster to mince garlic with a chef’s knife
§ And when you ran out of gas, you can just tell mom…
I mean… It’s never too late to explore cooking... or anything new.
Simple thoughts but big in meaning.
Did I regret having my holiday and birthday being handled by fate? Definitely NO. For I have gained more than what I have bargained for. The gift of a better me.