Puppy Love – my great love stories

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First love, first heartbreaks and the art of letting go, you learn it first from your pets.

Barbie

Etymology         : Glamourized from the words ‘bad breath’ by my condescending cousins. Forgive them. We were young and they were cruel.

Breed                    : Askal

It was the 80s and I was in the place where summer classes were unheard of. And even if ballet lessons were offered, I wonder if my mom will enroll me. So when I received this pup that summer, it was a delight! It meant permanent playmate. First pet, first love. Barbie accompanied me day in day out even during the very limited time I was allowed to play in the streets. Suddenly I had one to be with me all the time. Only one thing pissing off the adults in the house… all our electric plugs were chewed off… not a single lamp shade was spared. All slippers were marked by her tiny teeth or just anything that she can chew. And the last straw was my grandfather discovering she loved sleeping in his cabinet, in between his clothes. Grandfather has no choice but to put her in chains. And one afternoon after school I found her lifeless with chains around her neck. That was my first heartbreak and I never recovered. 

King

Etymology         : Size fit for a royalty

Breed                    : TBA (to be asked)

A got sick and King never left A’s room until his recovery. Some kind of a love.

Funny-boned Whity

Etymology         : There were Top 4 ranking dog names in our town before the kids got creative. Whity, Blacky, Browny and Spot, you choose the closest colour, and that’s the name. 

Breed                    : Half-askal Half-unknown

My mom had him for 8 years and they share this love that words are not enough to tell the story. I would refer her as my Mom’s dog. I haven’t recovered from my own loss so there was a distance. He had glorious days though before old age and scabies, but I will remember him most for his anecdotes. One, he almost bit the ‘ding dong’ of our male boarder, which this teacher retorted: “I haven’t even used it yet and you’re chewing it off?” while holding his treasures running for escape. I didn’t remember him getting shots though. Whity would accompany my mom literally everywhere she goes even on Sunday mass that he already got identified with her. On his last years, he developed scabies and did not heal anymore, we advised mom to put him in chains to restrain him from following her in the church as he was already scaring the whole town. And put she did. Only that she chained him in a garden chair made of steel. The opening song has not yet started, but outside the people in our street were waken and scandalized by the sound of the steel chair outrageously dragged by a running dog on his way to the church – on an early Sunday morning. A distant relative from the other end of the block recognized Whity and dislodged the chair from him. The scene ended with my nephew carrying the chair on their way home with all of them laughing so hard they could pee. But that did not make mom love him less. 

 Grabbed from Google

Sugar

Etymology         : Admirably powder white colour

Breed                    : Japanese Spitz

I would always say this: always relaxed and poised in any situation, there was only one time I saw A panicked – when Sugar got sick. After taking him to small vet clinics near his place she just didn’t get better that made A obviously worried. He eventually decided to take her into an upscale vet clinic that quickly diagnosed her with Pyometra, an infection of the uterus. It was quite a sum he spent saving the dog. Twice I visited her while she was confined to check on her condition. She didn’t recognize me of course, she’s A’s dog. But when A came to visit she turned around as quickly reaching for A’s hand touching the cage. Sensing A leaving, she would make this sound like she was crying telling A how hurt she feels… It was another sense of attachment that you will feel between the owner and the pet and your heart will swell. It was 30 days after, A was reversing the car, didn’t notice she was underneath and the next thing in front of him was Sugar in a pool of blood. The world dimmed.  

Tyra – Starbucks and Lactovital

Etymology         : While sipping coffee at Starbucks

Breed                    : Labrador

The wonder drug Lactobiotic Lactovital. Just when I thought I will never fall again along came this golden lab. It was mine and A’s decision to buy her. What a ‘flirt’ but you will love her nonetheless. She moves, chews and jumps tirelessly that when one day she stopped eating, I was alarmed. I took him to local vet who diagnosed her by looks, no tests at all, uhmm, he took her weight and her temperature, if those count. The next best decision was to take her into a reputable vet clinic in Manila after fever never left her at all. After series of tests she was diagnosed with Dog Parvovirus. She was in IV and confined for a week. Bills hiked up and I just prayed Mom won’t rise from her grave and slap me with senses.  She went home to A’s house with a bag of medicines and etc… she didn’t seem better though except for increased blood count and a new veterinary vocabulary for us. I was looking somewhere for Canines Health Insurance Company. Phew! A’s mom nursed her for a couple of days with meds to be taken every 3 hours and a special diet. Her heart sank seeing nothing improved after another few days. Tyra would just slouch and can’t even bring herself move more than an inch. I learned how to pray earnestly. A’s mom won’t give up though, not ready for the thought of seeing Tyra die in front of her. So she took the matter in her own hands and gave her Lactovital. Each dose or maybe the taste made her scream to her lungs but she continued giving her everyday! Miraculously, she slowly recovered! I was never a fan of supplements, but this story was an exemption and makes A’s mom a Supermom!  

Dugong

Etymology         : Nowhere or the teleserye maybe

Breed                    : Askal

A love that has suddenly grown. When I took Tyra home Dugong had become suddenly territorial. While he lead the pack of askals in our barangay, he saw Tyra in the light of an enemy and competitor. He did not leave the house for 2 days guarding the kitchen door preventing the pup from getting inside. He would growl whenever Tyra gets close. As if very possessive, he will jump on me and put around his feet around my waist that no other dog can get near. For one, Dugong is quite protective. He would walk with us to the bus station at any hour and won’t walk back home until our own bus leaves. If we go home, he was the first to welcome us jumping on his feet with gladness. I was away from home when he left but it still broke my heart into pieces.   

10 reasons I keep falling

Sure, we fight like 2 menopausing old maids forced with each other and ranting our own lists of immature drama as the tiresome of the gulf life sweeps us like sandstorm. You still punch me with lines that send my mercury shooting up, but more often than not, those lines make me laugh hard like mad – well, unless of course, it’s time of the month and my hormones are up. But I’ll be in my walking stick and a blabbering grandma sitting beside you on my favourite rocking chair still smitten, blogging about you.

And the reasons I keep falling over and over again?

1. You love my friends – as much as I love them, even if I have to drag you to the food court or you have to sit with us for two hours discussing the same thing over and over again.

2. You stood by me on my ugly days – we have it established, you cannot be my biggest fan. And on days that my looks are cooperative, you would praise several times the wonders of make up. But on months I wore my hair wavy, ugly and big (as well as my waistline) and even the guys made sure of that, you laughed at the same time but you still made me feel it didn’t matter, all was fine. How was that?  

3. Being surprisingly sentimental – I know that look you wanting to kick my butt hard 3 times when I took all the pleasure in tossing to the garbage bag all the empty perfume bottles and clothing labels you stashed. Yeah, they are yours and I just offered help when you shifted flats, but c’mon what’s with the empty deodorant tube even if it was the first bottle you finished when you came to the UAE? I know, I know, there’s a retribution waiting when you come back.

4. Being protective – at the end of the day, you want me safely home and in one piece in my shorts and shirts that you hate.

5. Being my best friend – even if I fail to follow your analogies and the more I am lost when you want to stress a point (I’m operating on a woman’s brain my dear) or I send you a 300+ words message and you say nothing and swiftly shift to the next topic.  

6. You remember dates and events.  And remember the first time we kissed with flowers.

7. That we are different – in 50+ and more ways. I’m too careless, you’re too careful, I’m impulsive you’re the contemplative, I’m a laidback you’re athletic and the list goes on. But we are getting the grips of it… while you’re in your rubber shoes and I’m in my strappy metallic slippers.

8. Loving me in your own way* – and not the way I want you to love me. No traditional Valentine’s dates or that new-couple-honeymoon-stage, no matching outfits on a movie date, mobile uploads or patented terms of endearment, but in your own ways - pure, sweet and sincere.   

9. Your mom – we’re not shopping buddies (well, not yet ;-)), we don’t spend prepaid cards to exchange cooking tips and gossips, but she raised you well and treats me nicely and with respect even if I wear mini skirts and shoulder-length earrings in my younger days or my outfits used to be out of place at your family dinners.

10. You’re admirably a man of faith.

 * Assuming it's love, Babe.

Crazy Crabby Love

A has a drama tolerance of 2 mins… yeah, A is soo back (big grin) and I should say: ‘I should know’. I should know that his tear ducts are clogged, not that we’ll be back annoying each other. 

Two mins max and he will be back to his jovial mood and endless teasing while I am still so absorbed in my hormonal rage. Yeah, making me feel like all the torture that I’ve been going through is imagined while I feel dehydrated for crying. On other cases, he delivers punch lines that could make me burst into tears in a second. That’s his language of love. 

When I retaliate, he would clench his jaws looking like I was a witch on a broomstick who ruined our day. That look on his face like no apology can even penetrate… Tough… Grrr!

So it was no different weekend in the mall except that he knows my week at work had been so awful. And when I say it’s no different, it means inside man’s shops: Nike, Adidas, Sun and Sands and the competitors… or Sharaf DG. 2 to 4 hours watching stuffs move out from the shelves until my lip gloss fades and the tip of my nose shines. 

This time, 2 hours inside Kinokuniya while he contemplates whether to buy the 2011 or 2012 version of this Revit book, buy the thicker (that says complete) or the thinner (that says fundamental) or the 2012 and the other book (well, it’s an engineering or maybe an architectural book, so I didn’t pay too much attention to the nitty-gritty) and decide if he will go straight to Cashier 2 or just purchase online including signing up to 2 online shops that also sell the book. I already read 12 pages of the book that I picked while casting my votes in between. Well, I already learned ways to entertain and amuse myself with the very limited time we can be together.

Finally it was my stop - Candylicious – because there are very few things that can really cheer me up when I’m blue: a pot of spaghetti, candy store and good food. 

While there I was creating my happy memory of picking a mini-trolley of chocolates and candies A suddenly blurted: “Bilisan natin Kai…”. And so my nostrils flared and my head snapped that made him wish he didn’t open up his mouth. No amount of cajoling could restore my shattered mood until I make him pay. And make him pay I did. And… scroll up Paragraph 3. 

Grrr! I didn't mean to be mean. It's just that I've waited long enough for that trip to the colouful candy store and machines to completely turn around my week at work, etc... to be fair, he has been trying his best to be as comforting as he can, even if he will punctuate it with a punchline.

From one mall to another, we were making each other’s company a hell. After acting like crazy that makes him feel like strangling my neck, we still ended up sharing a kilo of crab in a mud of salty Singaporean sauce. (To be honest, I wasn’t sure it was really a kilo, only that it says in the menu, or maybe the shells and those legs can really get that heavy.) Then we were suddenly back to talking and laughing like nothing happened. Crazy.

If I’m documenting these memories my love, because you should know, this is also my language of love.

Thank you for making memories worth writing. No matter how crazy.

mickey mouse

The pain still grips my heart in silence and leaves it lifeless in darkness. My tears still run and stop on cue as if remote-controlled. I still wear and rip the masks in a flash. The whole being of me is still trampled on the same spot on the floor where it slumped 21 months ago. Not even an inch it moved.

It's like keeping the death at bay by cheating. Scraping off the disease layer by layer, filling the empty space with lies to be able to sleep at night. And watch the sun peeps through the window to realize I slept only a blink. 

I am as broken as I say and don’t say I am – saved and sustained only by the grace of the almighty God. 

You asked if I ever thought of you on that specific time? Yes you were in my sight the whole time, because you never left my mind. I still know exactly how your fingers wrap an iced tea glass. I still remember exactly how your lips slowly curve a smile. Whenever you type in ‘haaayyyy’ in the chat window, I still remember how it sounds – frustrated or not. There was not a time I never thought of us. There was never a time I dreamed of Disneyland that you were not Mickey Mouse. And there was never a night that I don’t remember how I would like to be wrapped in your arms. 

You feel mad. You may feel that your ego was crushed, but you did not die. 

I hide during the storm because I never wanted to look up where and when the ‘us’ stopped. 

Every time you pop and say ‘hi’. Again and again I’m feeling the last time it hurt.

I wouldn’t know how have I stayed alive, because when I said goodbye, I was only hoping for once you will let go of your pride and ask me ‘Why?’. Because you know I’m crazy, because you know I was ripped by distance, because you know how much I wanted for us to take that step and you were holding the reign too tight. 

I’m not selfish because from time to time it was a struggle to stay alive, because from then until now I love you very much.

I am writing this, hoping that for the first time, sleep will come.

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