An Adoptee’s Life

     

    don’t get me wrong, this is not a hate campaign or a social media attention seeking post. So long gone are my angst-ridden, multiple ear piercing, wanting to express college days (and looking back at it, the multiple earrings fashion is just too tacky now, ewww!!).

         I am also not a product of a love affair with a wealthy congressman or aristocratic family that existence had to be kept, so it is not worthy of a tell-all biography. However, while the story of my adoption doesn’t belong to those requiring combing histories and rummaging from long buried registration books, being adopted does not exactly fall to the society's norm. While not socially condemned, the movie and TV series plots have already made a general impression of adoption synonymous to unwanted. With this, to an adoptee, the joy of an ordinary day out in pigtails and sipping Zest-o is robbed off by the children’s teasing and the innocence is crushed by the adult’s harsh repetitive reminder of not belonging to the normal.

Top 8 things, situations and questions adoptees deal with

1)      The questions like: Who are my biological parents? How do they look like? Why did they give me away? Lucky me, I know them from the beginning so I don’t have to ask these questions and the follow ups. But to those with untold stories of conception and birth registration, everything else begins with these questions they are dying to find answers.

2)     The gossipers. Coming from a small town and from family of teachers, my adoptee’s story was as simple as growing up with hushed adult conversation at school, market, PTA meetings, funeral or any gathering about my adoption. It was an on-going competition who can ask in front of my face if I know whose tummy I came out from and an endless confirmation I am the one. I had to deal with it until they were too old to remember or died.

3)     The endless teasing growing up and the branding. Adopted becomes your family name.

4)     Listing your biological parents in the spaces provided. I am not being ungrateful, but my adoptive parents have long been gone so I put my biological parents name in my wedding invitation. My reason was simple: it feels crazy being invited by deceased people (at least to me). I was serious about it and also felt the urge to honor my other set of parents on that special moment in my life. My birth has already been registered under my adoptive set of parents, they were listed as my parents in all my legal documents and they were the only valid beneficiaries under the Philippine law, so on matters I can decide on, I want to cross out one of that ‘adoptee’s what ifs’. In this matter, when to and when not?

5)     There is one or two you loved most or more. That is the truth even if you always answer equally when asked. And you will be asked hundred times growing up and even as an adult. It is already a torture to a child with one set of parents and being asked constantly, imagine if you have two. 

6)     Family health history left blank. I wasn’t hospitalized too often growing up that the blood type and genes I carried never bothered me much. If I filled up medical information in the past, I guess I never paid attention to them as my parents look healthy that time. Abroad, with legs spread my OB casually asked my family's health history, and I have no answer.

7)     Visa processing – as a result of my idleness and wandering while folding the clothes, I realized how Visa application and processing can be delayed, denied, expedited or approved according to your blood relation. #justoneofmyrandomthoughts

8)     Security questions and account verification.

CCA: And just for confirmation Ma’am, can you please provide me your mother’s maiden name.

Me: Concepcion or Torres? Oh, why can’t you simply ask my shampoo brand?

You, Me and My Hormones

My Top 10 Truths, Discoveries and Realities of coupling (and the daily mundane things)

marriage is a union of 3 beings:  the man, the woman and her hormones.

I am not making it up.

Don’t give me that look.

To my husband:

 

1)       That is truth no 1.  And they are likely to be a part of our married life. That crazy monthly time my collarbones rolled into fats and my breasts are glaring at you like eye popping stress toys. Yes, they are the crazy times you are close to wringing my neck and packing my things. 

2)      I don’t mind you snoring. Please sleep tightly (and do not suddenly blab over breakfast that you did not sleep well the night before). Unless it starts to sound like a power saw taking down a hundred year old Acacia tree then I start to worry. 

3)      Changes are inevitable such us:

a.       The need for a bigger bed even if I want to sleep wrapped like a baby panda

b.      The maxi pads and the likes in the monthly grocery and the process of taking them from the trolley to the conveyor for the lady cashier to scan

c.       And the embarrassing moments you need to change the stained sheets  

4)      My alarm wakes us up early and I hit the snooze button and I just snuggle, then the alarm beeps again and I hit the snooze button again and I just snuggle…  That is the best part of my day. 

5)     When I say I am fine you go out with boys and I go to the coffee shop alone or stay at home, I am being honest. There are days we just want to do our things without disturbance or without having to explain or require us to be sociable.

To my girlfriends:

6)      You could be very ecstatic about the D-day or too occupied you cannot put into words what you want to say in your wedding vows. Do not say things only because it is sweet --- because you will be bound by it and anything you promise can be used against you. If you promise to always put food on the table, it will really be a pressure.

  

7)      It’s a different set of rules for each couple. For one: "Never go to bed with an argument unresolved" – it does not apply to all couples at all times. When you want to argue, you want to argue. And sometimes it’s the third party, hormones, that does the reasoning – and you have no explanation to that except your period. You just need to wake up like it’s another day.

8)      The process of doing the laundry, drying them, folding and sorting is an endless task. 

9)      The evolution of assets: When you insist on piling too many take-away or leftover foods inside the ref, that piece of appliance is ‘his’. When the freezer door won’t close there’s the urgent need to defrost, that becomes conjugal.

10)  You will wish sometimes socks have their own life and find their way to the hamper or to the drawer. Or socks are like your clingy, overly romantic girlfriend who cannot live without a pair. It will make your OC life peaceful and easier.

PLEASE NOTE THAT IMAGES HERE ARE NOT MINE NOR I BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO USE.

Top 10 Facebook Friends Turn off

n0 matter what the reason is, deleting that FBF from list or hiding his/her updates from the news feed is not an option:

1) he/she is more than virtual

2) you are within the same circle of friends

3) he/she hasn’t offended you intentionally in any way though (just annoying you)

4) it will be too harsh, rude, immature, start conflict, etc… etc….

… and most of all, the world does not revolve around your selfish whims, so the law of existence and manners requires you to coexist.   

I can tolerate occasional selfies or even the proud mommies, food is fine (as long as interesting and appetizing) but constant updaters as below, steer me away from the news feeds:

10)  The Grammar Murderer. YES it is a crime to mislead your friends, confuse them and give them headache staring at your jumbled alphabet all in one post.  There are forgivable lapses that still send your message across but if your rants, drama, food porn or photo caption leave us muddled, you are not giving our FB friendship justice. And you're doing it hourly.

9)     The Copy Cat ...says arf! arf! Enuff said.

8)     The Bad News Bearer / Bubble Burst-er. The news is already headlined with crimes, calamity, terrorism, wars (try Middle East papers or channels), etc… etc… so if you can help, please refrain from ranting how ugly the day seems or your life is.  Just pm your close friends.

7)     The Athlete …who sends so many game requests and updates. Okay, I want you deleted.

6)    The Online Diary Keeper. Dear FBF, If we are not your mom, your sister, your BFF, your immediate superior, stalker or the priest or your life coach, we need not the tiniest details of your day or your reaction to everything. We cannot promise to love you unconditionally and chances are your will irritate us or prompt us to gossip.

5)    The Preacher/The Righteous. The news feed is not a pulpit especially if you are the only one doing right things and everybody else is doing wrong.

4)     The Trigger Happy / Gullible …who shares everything even the hoax, those showing support, prayer or respect by sharing images of those suffering from sickness and gruesome pics… please share wisely.

3)     The Beauty Queen / The Weight Watcher. Please wait for us to acknowledge that you are beautiful in our eyes, no need to put in the caption and we don’t need the update in the kilos lost, we don’t swap clothes.  

2)      The Seller …no need to tag us of your latest collection especially those described ‘plus size’ or ‘Class A imitation’. Be sensitive.

NOTE: The Sellers include those who regularly post what they have shopped recently, the effect is the same.  

1)      The War Freak. Please keep the list of your enemies, frenemies or rivalry with you including the reason. Blind item also included. You are not giving the person a fair trial and it just defines you more than your enemy.


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Top 10 Joys of Home-cooking

The pantry smells like garlic factory and so do you. Boiling vinegar doesn’t cure the odour all the times. Okay, I have problem with odours giving away what you have had for lunch but still I look forward to each day with a grocery visit, veggies being tossed to the wok and serving delicious meal ('delicious': well, at least to my taste buds and to a hungry basketball team).

Top 10 Joys of Home-cooking. TOP - the first things that came to my mind. 

10)  Budget friendly. Good restaurants with good food and great service are expensive. Treating out yourself more than weekly will surely hurt your wallet and dent your savings for a new gadget or a new hobby (and so I realized especially if you are a couple and you both love good food). So, just style your food and light some candles and the night will be as romantic, you can keep the supposedly 'municipality taxes & tip'.   

9)  Left-overs lovin’. There is magic upon discovery that you have a piece of carrot, crab sticks and some green leaves lying in the fridge. You come up with a soup other than instant and you can put your name in your dish. Soon you’ll be able to write your own Nigellissima. *winking with tongue sticking out*

 

8) Especially cooked/personalized cuisines. Ho Fun noodles is too oily, the dip is too tangy it makes you dizzy, etc…, etc… they just happen and leave you bloated and disappointed. Home-cooking lets you spice up your favourite just the way you want it. If you want, you can also plan your own theme nights.  

7)  Cures instant cravings. Seafood Paella on a Tuesday night? Why not? And you can invite over your best buddies and get tipsy on red wine.

6)  Instant presents. There are just day-before invites and you don’t know what to get a male friend. It’s rude to come empty-handed. The crowd’s favorite is surely a hit. Just make sure it’s not in the host’s menu list.  

5)  Unlimited food choices. You are not limited to what the resto is offering and not limited to one order’s serving. The fusion can happen at the comforts of your own home and you can have all the California Maki rolling till you can barely breathe.  

4)  Healthier and more hygienic options. Go meatless and substitute the red, use olive oil or none at all, bake instead of fry when applicable. And if you’re a type who’s always doubtful what’s on your plate, you just know what goes and went into your Vietnamese spring roll. 

   

3)  It is the shortest way to a man’s heart or your in-laws’ hearts. Remember: it is courtesy to assure your mother-in-law you will not starve her son, your own mother will be proud of it. He comes home looking forward to what you cooked up and it is a more harmonious day with a sumptuous breakfast… and you live *happily ever after.  

*happily ever after – that is if you still believe in happily ever after, because happily ever after is not true, or otherwise boring. 

2)  The joy of fellowship. It just follows that your house easily gets full with family and friends when you share good taste and good food and the laughter just never ends.  

1)   More than anything else, cooking is therapeutic and gives you that sense of accomplishment. When they offer you compliments and you see they just emptied their dish.

Did I mention you can: take a picture and self-promote at FB? *lol*   

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