The Perks of Being 35 (and Single)

1. It’s legal to drink, there’s rarely a hang over (when you are over thirty) and you can crack a Tequila night anytime.  If drinking does not appeal anymore, it’s because you already lost interest.

2. No 10pm curfews or little brother hovering when you’ve got telephone calls. Chances are, it’s now mom pushing you to go out on a Friday night.

3. You can decide how you welcome mid-life (note: life span is now 70):

1. wake up late and sit with your sorry ass
2. bring Jollibee to your favourite charity
3. *pool your single girl friends and get drunk ‘til you pass out

whatever, absolutely whatever!!!

4. When you go nuts, you can blame your hormones. Just remember to say sorry for losing your tact when you’re back to the usual ‘nice and polite’.

5. You’ve broken your heart at least once, fallen in love, done embarrassing stuff, said regretful lines or kicked somebody else’s ass. But you’re wiser and alive!

6. You’ve learned how to cook at least one presentable dish other than fried. Ladies, it will truly be embarrassing if you have not!!!  

7. You are already more realistic. If not yet, wake up sleepy head. Men are as human as we are, they don’t always come with chocolates and red wines. They sweat when it’s hot, they snore tired or not, you’ll blow each other’s top and they wouldn’t buy your hormonal issues all the time – and you will still love him nonetheless.   

8. You’re no longer ashamed to say ‘NO’, you choose your battle wisely – knowing when to ignore nonsense or when to stand up when bullied, and  more importantly, you are more comfortable saying what you honestly feel – the last one is hormonal, Google it.

9. You’ve been there, done that. Nothing much surprises you and there’s nothing much that can disgust you to your stomach, home-wreckers and extreme cases are exceptions of course. 

10. You’re at age responsible for other people, you stop being selfish. Age brings sense to being a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a partner or to some, as both parents to her kids. 

*disclaimer: i don't mean that you do,  i just mean that you can

 

Top 10 Practical Benefits of Being Married

 

You’ll annoy him, he’ll drive you nuts and being married also means additional dirty socks and occasionally finding the toilet seat up, but what is another set of coffee cups to tidy up for lovelier days coming up?

Top 10 add-ons of the matrimonial seal

1)      If you’re slightly embarrassed with your family name taking his would be the chance to glamorize – you can have it hyphenated anyway if it’s otherwise.

2)     His warmth is the next best thing to a good book and hot chocolate on a rainy day or a lazy weekend afternoon you don’t feel going out.

3)     Somebody else can drive to the grocery and pick up butter and capsicum when they ran out or an ice cream pint for a midnight delight.

4)     It’s cheaper - because you have to split the household bill or if he lets you take control of that plastic card, it sounds even better.

5)     You share your assets - so when your laptop suddenly breaks down, you can use his to update your FB stat.   

6)     You can divide the household chores and schedule emptying the trash. If the faucet leaks or light has to be replaced, first aid and help are on hand.

7)     You have someone to zip your dress, fold your sleeves, assure your colours don’t clash and check if you have put on too much blush – because you also have a responsibility to avoid blinding other people with your accessories and make up.

8)     You don’t go home to an empty flat – and if the day has been rough and you just want to cry it out, you have someone to listen to your rants when your girl friend is not around.

9)     You have someone to cuddle at night or curl up with in an early morning a bad dream wakes you up.

10) You’re entitled to a paid maternity leave on your 9^th month.   

My slice of heaven

  

Dubai bound

Beyond that onion-curry-masala-factory scented public transports during summer that you will complain about in Dubai (summer stretches 8 months long and reaches up to 49°C), there are so much in everyday life to love about this city: the cleanliness, the road discipline, the availability of a wide variety of foods etc. Of course, you still have to be watchful for any speeding vehicle that might surprisingly knock you over, which you should be anywhere in the world, but the lighter traffic, dependable Metro (Dubai’s driverless train), designated bus stops and reliable online and phone transactions just make everyday life more convenient in this part of the globe.

snatched somewhere

Ola Manila

The good portion of my early adulthood was generally spent in Manila until I decided to drag my 30-kilo luggage, fly 8 hours and change time zone 4 years ago. And Oh! I so love the Philippine’s busiest city: the anonymity in the university, the busy streets, movie houses, bars, malls, restaurants that can keep you occupied and awake all night. The chlorine-treated water flowing from the faucet, the honking of the rushing vehicles early in the morning and the availability of just any transportation which are unique in the Philippines, they wake my senses into the fast-paced-mode. While the darker side of it also warrants one his own tale of encounter with hold-upers, pick-pocketers and all kinds of easy-money scheming gangs, individuals even police officers, I still love the race and the rush in the country’s capital.

borrowed from: httpwww.panoramio.comphoto51474145

My slice of heaven

But I have my growing up years in the small town in Batangas, somewhere in the southwestern part of the Philippines. Up until spending Christmas holidays requires airplane tickets and management approval, it’s where I spent the holidays and most of my summer breaks. It will always be my home. And from childhood when I used to run around in the streets and during my very limited annual vacation spent, Calatagan will always be my slice of heaven. 

Things I love about small towns and some funny things, at least in my time

• Before too many options, everything has just a name – It would be the Ate Linda if you need some finger nail pampering or ingrown toe nail relief. It’s first name basis and not some faceless and nameless Ates from the X salons.  Mamay Islaw for some dirty ice cream comfort, Carding for quick shoe and umbrella repair, Pitong or Danica if you want your hair cut or permed… so don’t ever wonder if the girls then looked the same.    

•  It was in the 80s before the PSPs, easy access to internet and before kids were given liberty to name their pets, the adults have only 4 names for whatever breed: Whity, Blacky, Brownie and Spotty. And every cat in the house is called Muning. 

• One destination – growing up, there was only one big grocery store in town and quite a few stall owners at the market you would patronize based on your relationship.  So if you say mom went to buy some stuff at ‘Judge’ your nosy neighbor would pick it up where exactly mom was and what time she would be back. 

•  Everybody is connected, branches of family trees are intertwined. In the 80s, you would know by name and genealogy all the registered voters in the municipality and almost everybody in the Barangay was your relative you almost cannot identify how and you wouldn’t even ask why.

• You’ve been to same school - they have Montessories now which I wouldn’t be able to differentiate, but back in my time, kids in town went to the same school and played in the same playground. Your mom was classmates with your friend’s dad or your sister was classmates with your playmate’s s cousin, etc… and chances are, you have the same set of teachers for Science, English and Arts.

• No-fence walls to guard your treasures. It was so easy to crossover your neighbor’s Bermuda grass and easy for moms to gather their skirts, exchange recipes (if ever they do that for simple Pinakbet) and indulge in the latest gossip. 

•  I’ve climbed roofs, fell from trees and ran on the streets before 6 (pm). So I have the regular childhood of having skinned my knees and got dirt under my fingernails.   While I was not that athletically competitive, I remember by name who my playmates were or better yet, those who never wanted me in their team.

• I have my distinct Batangas accent if not that thick which I can swiftly discard to be better understood, but trust it is back along with vocabularies only us understand when I meet a kababayan, and we all have a good hearty laugh.

  

Some people label us ‘probinsyano or probinsyana’ with an air of mocking.  I wonder why? I didn’t see any difference how we explored life, how we chased dreams or how Science explained the evolution of a butterfly and in my small town I had bigger playground while riding somebody else’s bike, we also have  game and watch.  And even if there is any difference, I think I wouldn't mind. 

I slept in chaos

This is a Getty Images Image only :)

… and did not die.

Bullet #1: I always want my stuff in neat pile, according to size and colour even according to frequency of usage if applicable. 

We moved again somewhere in downtown - the second time within the month of January. As the cabinets are yet to be delivered and assembled we have no choice but leave the stuff the way they were tossed inside the room. Right now, it would be fun to engage the kids into ‘find my…’ game with the 4 overstuffed luggage, Balikbayan box, tool boxes of accessories, frying pan and thongs and assortment of paper bags sloppily spread all over the new room.

Bullet #2: And the stuff I accumulated is massive – tsk, tsk, for one whose status is single and whose salary affords only the convenience of sharing the room (or as we call it here ‘partition’) with a friend.

As I’ve said long time back, I spend my money on happiness – so they are in the accessories, collectibles, consumables, garbage, dust and etc... that surprised me I have stashed somewhere and require a 3-door closet, additional chest drawers, side tables, shoe rack and kitchen cupboards for me to have peace of mind.  As I fumbled around to look for the panty liner, rubber slippers, a new towel and etc... to get started this morning, I was greeting each box, plastic bag and drawer with: ‘hello happiness!’, ‘hello happiness!’. Nice. I have to pass on the cotton buds though, because the lights were off and I can’t find the switch – well, if in case you find that interesting.

Good thing, I’ve already sent home my books. I think I already gave up the hope that I can give them the undivided attention I want. So there they are waiting patiently for my homecoming or whatever lies ahead of my visa status or sponsor. Lalalala…

Bullet #3: It’s 8 minutes walk away from the nearest bus stop. Not that it matters, well, until summer time comes that I have to worry about sweaty armpits. The highlight though? I have to pass the subway each time. There’s something cinematic and mood picker-upper in subways, don’t ask me why. 

Bullet #4: Made me realize, nothing is really permanent living in Dubai: the address, your roommates, your weight, even relationships, religion, church, beliefs and etc… hmmm… I think I’d rather devote another write up about it, when I know my stuff are back into their dedicated place.

For now, let me just enjoy the subway. 


Bullet #5: On the 3rd night at the new building, the fire alarm screeched in a cold 6am morning. One that makes your knees shake and heart thump on your throat. The next minute, all the Filipino residents were down the lobby with anything important that they were able to grab. It was False Alarm. The good news though is, the device is working. Only that it works overtime even if uncalled for. 

Has the fire razed the building, I would have been roofless with nothing but passport in my pocket and updating my status in my Ipad braless.  

What girl friends do better than boyfriends

Keeping our girl friends is like carrying around our Kikay pouch – we know a sewing kit is at reach when we need a fix – or when a day simply needs a swipe of a lipstick.

I don’t mean I need/want/love a man less, I just know which stuffs are best done with and expected from BFFs, girl friends, sisters or even from the OB Gyne. Nor I don’t blame men for not being his girlfriend's or his wife’s biggest fan at the time of PMS-ing. Ladies, the way men’s and women's brains are wired, that is a role of a girl friend.

Thus, as much as it is movie-portrayed romantic having programmed our weekends joined by the hips with our boyfriends from the barber shop to the bar b q party, we also need to keep our calendars free for our sorority sisters and let the boys out with their drinking beer buddies. It’s healthy and sanely.

As there are things us being girls and loving mini-skirts can do better like: 

• Shopping for bags, shoes and etc… 

…we never get tired until we find the perfect match and it doesn’t matter if we hop on to ten shops or we have to search for that specific shade of tan (granted there is a pantone assigned). We all know our brothers and boyfriends are for shopping electronics and explaining the processors and the special features or for carting those Ikea’s building blocks. 

•  Rom-com movie marathons

… we laugh, we cry or both at the same time, blush or giggle like teenagers at sleepovers when Edward Cullen first kissed  Bella Swan. Who cares? We are entitled acting half our age in the name of love – at least when we are around our best girl buds wearing our Powerpuffs. And we will not ruin the mood having the bored and snoring bears around.

• Girls’ talk

…from make up to the latest leopard print pumps, from gossips to completely nonsense, we all talk nonstop and altogether at the same time, a hundred of body  issues within half an hour. Yeah I know, only us can follow the swift shifts of topics in a single row. Try this with men and they are lost at mid-sentence.

•  Powder room and girls’ stuff

..when we need to hourly retouch, change our make up from day to night, grab a drink when our gold fish dies, when we need to just feel beautiful when dumped, why we have to wear sky-high heels even if they are killing us or simply why we have to go to the ladies room several times and etc.:… – these we don’t need to explain to our gal pals, we don’t even have to ask twice.

• Understanding PMS

…hormones, dysmenorrhea, migraine or the importance of napkins with wings. When the drama queen mode strikes, our female colleague just knows it’s time of the month and she will not take is against us. We don’t need a debate, we don’t need an argument. Tantrums vanish along with the breakouts. Men?  They will simply dismiss it on us on watching too much of Kim Kardashian, or worse they are ranting their own list of complaints before ours just starts.

crazily sane

Whoever invented that Snooze mode in the mobile is a genius. Aww poor me, even dragging myself under the shower in the mornings has become a chore. 

This is really isn't me… Seriously ummmm, me on totally de-bloated hormonal-rage-free days, which means roughly 7 days in a month. *wink*

But in a workplace where the news about employees benefits and annual vacation are more stressful than your job, these crazy cranks make me sane.

                                                          

Take a bite and indulge:

·    Doing nothing. E.g.: Just stare and stare blankly - on your line of clothes in the clothesline for 3 days and ask if they can't really find their way back into the closet in a neat pile according to their color, classification and length of sleeves. If they can’t, so be it. What’s the pressure for little things if it won’t send you to jail or earn lashes?

·   Unsubscribing to some of FB friends' posts and activities. Admit it, there are people in your FB friends list who by turn of events, you’d like deleted from the list but doing so will be rude, immature or will make you feel bitter, blah blah. But, their every minute posts, quotes, mobile uploads, likes, parinig and etc, just waste the space of your homepage. Some you want deleted in your life but that would be too harsh – because the world does not revolve around your selfish whims. Click unsubscribe button. If you’re comfortable enough block him/her, if that blocked friend finds out and asks, just say: ‘Ohhh, I just deactivated my account. Security threat (ala Kate Middleton), you know’.

·    To just look and say nothing – to people you are already tired of or people whose opinions and stories don’t matter anymore.  Risk looking stupid sometimes than waste your time and emotion. 

·    Try Arabic food or Indian food even if they are served in wide tin plates and you have to eat by your bare hands. Foreigners also wrinkle their nose to our Dinuguans and laugh at our Champorados. You wouldn’t know food by look or by opinions of others. They are not always as bad as their reputations. If you want to spit out on first bite at least you have first-hand account how bad it was to your taste buds. 

·   Doing something unplanned. E.g.: Dip in a pool or swim completely unprepared. 1) Getting home with your completely unruly sun-dried hair and eyebrow-less face will be the day you swear you never want to bump into your boyfriend's ex, but we have to shed off the cosmetics once in a while to have real fun or for the inner beauty (or concealed ugliness) to come out. 2) Getting in the bus with your shirt taking the shape of the wet upper undergarment is laughable but laughing with friends and with one another's bra size is double the fun.

·   Leaving work exactly on time. And leaving the worries and stress by the office door.

·   Doing something just for the pleasure of it - like buying a ring and wearing it while reading a book you also just picked up from the bookstore. 

10 important truths that I learned

The hard way, the bitter way and the beautiful way…

1)    Differences…

…we are cut from different pieces of cloth – some are great for comfort, some made to be sturdy. If you know from the look one's a yard from a roll of corduroy, pick something else to make lingerie.

2)    Moving on…

…the truest test is being able to laugh about it – in front of the ex’es face and the current’s – if having moved on is even true. And I don’t mean the nervous laugh tickled by butterflies in the stomach.

3)    That it is important…

…to love myself as much as I love other people and love other people as much as I love myself. As it is as important to forgive myself and other people for annoying habits, offensive humor or for simply being unforgivable.

4)    That there will be people…

…who you wish you met and choose the story to end there. But you cannot because they are instrumental of what you have become. Forgive yourself, who knows, that feeling of regrets and or annoyance is mutual.

5)    That there is goodness…

…in every person, that there is a bright side to every situation - as there is a bad hair day once in a while and PMS-ing to a woman. Simply there is goodness even in imperfections.

6)    That to say…

…you don’t care what people say and feel about you is so selfish because you have the moral obligation to make other people’s lives happy and easy as well and not only yours. So you don’t steal other people's happiness or partners etc., apart from not to steal is commanded and in spite the usual excuse of shortage in the supply of men or whatever.

7)    That there is truth…

…in what people say no matter how bad they are, no matter what the tone and motive is – so think that you and other people who matter can benefit from the change. Pickup what can build your character, discard what can destroy you.

8)    That some people…

…will make you feel you are less, point out that you are ugly, or that you are old, not because they are true or that it matters, but only because they want to feel they are worth so much more and that they are buried in their own miseries. So it’s not always about you.

9)    How they treat you…

…depends on how much they value you. And how hurt you are depends on how much you value them. Don’t worry, it’s only as bad while you are stuck with them.

10)  Not everybody…

…has to matter. Chillax! :)

Ohh! Are you still Single?

I wanted to get married since I was 18. So don’t push me into getting married, especially if it is our first meeting since kindergarten graduation or simply our first meeting and I feel bloated. Nyahaha! 

So, my life isn’t at the stage I daydreamed while growing up: a mom at my thirties, spending weekends taking and fetching my first born into her ballet class and probably at some times sitting inside the Principal’s office for my son. Apparently my ring finger is bare. Before you ask another question: I’m perfectly fine.

Chirpy Mom, who wouldn’t want to be like your Brenda or your Cherry now chasing your favourite tots in their nappies? I'm happy and excited for them, but like I’ve said: I’m perfectly fine spending Friday nights sipping Frozen Margarita with my single girlfriends or thinking about baking mini cup cakes. While no one has ever thought yet of setting that Solitaire atop that singled macaroon amid the sugary colourful batch spelling: ‘Will you marry me?’ while I exaggeratedly dilate my pupils (my ring finger is size 6 anyway *wink*), there’s nothing we can do about it. Phleeezzz!

Why should we refrain from asking if a person is still single?

1)    It’s rude - no matter what the relationship is between the two of you and what the occasion is especially if the person is not babbling about his/her single-thon.

2)      It’s not your business -  the person is not applying for an ID nor signing an insurance policy (if then you are selling one, just shut up after obtaining the info).

3)      We’re not in the position or profession – we’re not a lawyer representing his/her case, an HR conducting an interview, his/her Doctor needing his/her history, etc… In short, it’s uncalled for.

4)   We can make the person feel bad if not worse. Especially if followed by: ‘But are you in a relationship?’. Like: ‘Duh!?’

5)       It’s not being sweet, it’s not being nice, it’s not showing concern – unless you will come up with referrals and not suggestions.

The same applies in asking the person’s age especially if he or she is not publishing it in his/her Facebook profile. If you were classmates, just do the math.  

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me and my tree trunk skin

My work station right now is a mess and I won’t be surprised if one morning an Anaconda will uncurl to say ‘Hi!’. Promise, I don’t want to rant and I am taking this as a long and fruitful test of patience and endurance.

These are just precious pre-requisites to adulthood which I skipped before… the art of controlling emotion… the science of stretching patience and the practice of controlling your voice when you’re about to cry with frustrations with the boss, suppliers and clients harassing you like you’re a sponge bob or a fast food counter order taker.

Waahhh!!! Sniff, sniff… I’ve been spending credits just to tell my ate that I’ve been so exhausted day in day out at work, which to it she just replied: ‘so ang pangit mo na?’ hahaha because there are days that I don’t even remember to put on moisturizer.   

I’m a bag of mess: 

• my face now resembles to the skin of a tree trunk – trust me, I am scared myself

• when I look at myself, I see a raccoon

• and where am I getting these facial rashes? – or I just thought I never had them before? hehehe

• my red nail polish has 2 mm gap from the roots. Cheap.

• I don’t have a social life at all anymore, I even missed birthdays

To top it all, I didn’t even have the time to remember *tweedledee* and *tweedledum* being swallowed by the rabbit hole apart by 5 days. Imagine that!?! Which to a close friend I heard myself asking:  Did I really just imagine the confusions I entangled myself with? Or maybe this is the bitter me… nah, I guess the exhausted OFW me…   The truth now?

·        A massage would be heavenly

·        An uninterrupted sleep will be precious

·        A hot oil treatment will be blissful

·        Yeah, a rom-com movie on a day off will be divine

·        A morning getaway - PRICELESS...

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Javert

I once put a scenario like this:  Someone posted your photographs before your nose job and you breaking out in hysterics untagged yourself seconds after they hit FBs news page. In between gasps, you sweat and wait for other 'blasts of the pasts' to show up. And only if you can untag those other friends or unfriend those in the tag especially the culprit.

But the truth is you cannot run away from the past and the truth that grips your heart. Including facing people we want forgiveness from and people we should set free by our forgiveness.

It’s an inarguable truth in our lives: we will always have a Javert in our lives who will feel like a ‘stone inside our socks’ - giving us discomfort every time we walk and constantly reminding us of its presence while we’re on rest. One who reminds us of our ‘sinful’ days, good years that ended ugly, a shameful event or simply an episode in our lives that we just want to edit out. One who kicks us up from sleep at wee hours of the morning so hard that we will not be able to get back to bed again. Constantly popping up on our favourite restaurants and spoiling our dinner until we are empowered to invite them to share our meal.  

But as a good teacher of mine has put it, we at some of point in our lives, is also a Javert to others… and guiltily, cradle and nurture our own Javerts into our own embrace to torture our own selves. 

Or worse, we are sometimes gripped by hypocrisy that we strut around saying we have easily forgiven the other party who has caused us pain but pin them down with blame to free ourselves from hurt and own guilt.

Should forgiveness be dictated by pride? Decreed by the law? Redeemed by time? Held and decided by age or gender? The blunder to be outshined by good deeds before we set free our own prisoners from judgment and captivity?

Why do we sometimes choose to stuff our backpacks with strings of hurts, hatred, guilt, blame that cause us not to forgive when it so much easier to shake our bags of the unnecessary loads? Why do we choose to carry them around when it doesn’t require too much muscle to lift it up and throw outside the window?

Because even if we always know what is the right thing to do or what self-help books dictate, or the fact that it is commanded, the power to completely forgive others and ourselves can only come from the grace of God. And by the truth that at the end of the day, the sinful us, are always forgiven repeatedly and unconditionally by our gracious God. So who are we to hold others so tightly by our own judgments and verdicts before we finally say: I forgive you?  

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cushioned landing

But the heart cannot be confused. And the truth cannot be twisted. Even the exhaustion of the living daylight blurs the lines between love and logic - or pride or holding on or longing or familiarity or frustrations or responsibilities or fear, etc... Or guilt or blame towards yourself keeps you awake at night. Because after you stepped in to the ebb of make-believes, to make the story ends the way the pen wishes, the truth kicks your ass up at wee hours of the morning and you cannot drag yourself back to bed again.

At some point, you have to get out of the dark and face your greatest fear. And if the end it happened like you have feared, yes at first you will be shaken, but you will know that the biggest part of it was just imagined. Because what is meant, is meant to happen. After turbulence has raged havoc and your feet are back on the ground, you thank God for knowing your heart, for making you stand for the consequences of your actions, for helping you let go of your pride and for dropping you with a cushioned landing amid the chaos. 

Not every relationship has a Hollywood-couple-getting-divorce saying the decision is mutual and they remain friends. That’s a crap but there’s nothing to be guilty about. 

In the end, the best things are: you learned, you broke free from the grips of fear and you surrendered to God’s will. For all the emotional slavery you have tangled yourself with and string of events you have no control of only God has the answer. 

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