Thursday, September 11, 2014

You, Me and My Hormones

My Top 10 Truths, Discoveries and Realities of coupling (and the daily mundane things)

marriage is a union of 3 beings:  the man, the woman and her hormones.

I am not making it up.

Don’t give me that look.

To my husband:

1)       That is truth no 1.  And they are likely to be a part of our married life. That crazy monthly time my collarbones rolled into fats and my breasts are glaring at you like eye popping stress toys. Yes, they are the crazy times you are close to wringing my neck and packing my things. 

2)      I don’t mind you snoring. Please sleep tightly (and do not suddenly blab over breakfast that you did not sleep well the night before). Unless it starts to sound like a power saw taking down a hundred year old Acacia tree then I start to worry. 

3)      Changes are inevitable such us:
a.       The need for a bigger bed even if I want to sleep wrapped like a baby panda
b.      The maxi pads and the likes in the monthly grocery and the process of taking them from the trolley to the conveyor for the lady cashier to scan
c.       And the embarrassing moments you need to change the stained sheets  

4)      My alarm wakes us up early and I hit the snooze button and I just snuggle, then the alarm beeps again and I hit the snooze button again and I just snuggle…  That is the best part of my day. 

5)     When I say I am fine you go out with boys and I go to the coffee shop alone or stay at home, I am being honest. There are days we just want to do our things without disturbance or without having to explain or require us to be sociable.

To my girlfriends:

6)      You could be very ecstatic about the D-day or too occupied you cannot put into words what you want to say in your wedding vows. Do not say things only because it is sweet --- because you will be bound by it and anything you promise can be used against you. If you promise to always put food on the table, it will really be a pressure.

7)      It’s a different set of rules for each couple. For one: "Never go to bed with an argument unresolved" – it does not apply to all couples at all times. When you want to argue, you want to argue. And sometimes it’s the third party, hormones, that does the reasoning – and you have no explanation to that except your period. You just need to wake up like it’s another day.

8)      The process of doing the laundry, drying them, folding and sorting is an endless task

9)      The evolution of assets: When you insist on piling too many take-away or leftover foods inside the ref, that piece of appliance is ‘his’. When the freezer door won’t close there’s the urgent need to defrost, that becomes conjugal.

10)  You will wish sometimes socks have their own life and find their way to the hamper or to the drawer. Or socks are like your clingy, overly romantic girlfriend who cannot live without a pair. It will make your OC life peaceful and easier.


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Top 8 ways in making it a lovely ride… on Trains

we are all *** card users and just sharing a public transport. Thank heavens they have really made our life so much easier and made it possible for us to be in 4 malls in one day cheaper and faster. But when rush hours come and our survival instinct is up or we are so engrossed with the music accompanying us, we tend to forget about how to be more considerate with other people and make their lives easier as well not only ours.   

Top 8 ways to be ‘nicer’ on trains or any other shared-public transports

1)      Please fold your baby strollers… especially during rush hours. I understand you are a parent but they are ‘heavy-duty’ or industrial type and you carry 2 with you and other people also need to take the Metro.

2)     Please observe hygiene and respect: do not pick your nose/ear, clip your nails, pluck nose hair and then hold in the poles. We all know it happens but it is worse when we can see them.   Please also remove your shoes and wiggle your toes when you reached home.

3)     Queuing is a sign of discipline, being cultured and civilized. If you don’t do that especially on train doors, facility entrance or top up machines, please google what is the opposite of the words. We all want to be home early or reach our destination fast and ‘untouched’.

4)     Gossiping is bad enough (guilty as well)… more so when done inside the public transport in a very loud manner everybody else hears what are your workmate’s affairs.  

5)     Everybody wants to be comfortable or safe while enjoying the Dubai cityscape along Sheikh Zayed, but please share the STEEL POLE. DO NOT LEAN like you were at home sitting in your sofa. Hugging it is also selfishness.

6)     If you have big hair that has gone unwashed for days or even just newly shampooed, it will be sweet if you tie it during the ride. It is big and in a jam-packed Metro no one wants to be brushed by it or caught between them while you head-wiggle, side-sweep it, laugh, shake or move your head at every stop.   

7)     If you don’t want us to watch you, please avoid PDA with girly giggling. In a place where it is not allowed and reminders are all over, it will not be helped if we begin talking about you, smirk on you or roll our eyes. You are awakening the green-eyed monsters in us.  

8)     I don’t blame your genes they gave you wider hips, the issue is you don’t want to move out of the door and you are 8 stops away. Oh! Please do not block the drive w ---err the doorway.  


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

6 probable reasons you (book lovers) missed your hero in real life

– or took long to find that ‘One’

1 - You were reading Twilight instead of partying on a Friday night so you missed your Edward but never mind.

2 - You fell in love with Mr. Darcy, but he existed in eighteenth century.

3 - You wouldn’t want one less than Nicholas Sparks’ next inspiration or one who wouldn’t meet up Judith McNaught’s expectations – you forgot they are fiction

4 - Human-beings can get disappointing, boring, annoying etc… etc… the Superheroes? They are just perfect --- and you end up all alone waiting for your knight in shining armour or a caped hero to save your day if not  the world.

5 - There are just too many books, too little time. Too many to fall in love with, it’s difficult to pick just one. Err, are we talking about choosing a book date for Valentine? Top 10 Reasons Why

6 - Didn’t Jane just live happily even after with Mr. Rochester? --- for the life of living in the last book you've read.