Thursday, September 11, 2014

You, Me and My Hormones

My Top 10 Truths, Discoveries and Realities of coupling (and the daily mundane things)

marriage is a union of 3 beings:  the man, the woman and her hormones.

I am not making it up.

Don’t give me that look.

To my husband:

1)       That is truth no 1.  And they are likely to be a part of our married life. That crazy monthly time my collarbones rolled into fats and my breasts are glaring at you like eye popping stress toys. Yes, they are the crazy times you are close to wringing my neck and packing my things. 

2)      I don’t mind you snoring. Please sleep tightly (and do not suddenly blab over breakfast that you did not sleep well the night before). Unless it starts to sound like a power saw taking down a hundred year old Acacia tree then I start to worry. 

3)      Changes are inevitable such us:
a.       The need for a bigger bed even if I want to sleep wrapped like a baby panda
b.      The maxi pads and the likes in the monthly grocery and the process of taking them from the trolley to the conveyor for the lady cashier to scan
c.       And the embarrassing moments you need to change the stained sheets  

4)      My alarm wakes us up early and I hit the snooze button and I just snuggle, then the alarm beeps again and I hit the snooze button again and I just snuggle…  That is the best part of my day. 

5)     When I say I am fine you go out with boys and I go to the coffee shop alone or stay at home, I am being honest. There are days we just want to do our things without disturbance or without having to explain or require us to be sociable.

To my girlfriends:

6)      You could be very ecstatic about the D-day or too occupied you cannot put into words what you want to say in your wedding vows. Do not say things only because it is sweet --- because you will be bound by it and anything you promise can be used against you. If you promise to always put food on the table, it will really be a pressure.

7)      It’s a different set of rules for each couple. For one: "Never go to bed with an argument unresolved" – it does not apply to all couples at all times. When you want to argue, you want to argue. And sometimes it’s the third party, hormones, that does the reasoning – and you have no explanation to that except your period. You just need to wake up like it’s another day.

8)      The process of doing the laundry, drying them, folding and sorting is an endless task

9)      The evolution of assets: When you insist on piling too many take-away or leftover foods inside the ref, that piece of appliance is ‘his’. When the freezer door won’t close there’s the urgent need to defrost, that becomes conjugal.

10)  You will wish sometimes socks have their own life and find their way to the hamper or to the drawer. Or socks are like your clingy, overly romantic girlfriend who cannot live without a pair. It will make your OC life peaceful and easier.


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