I have no millions under my name to protect or book royalties to expect, but as we all know living under one roof and sharing one bed means all of you exposed to the other half including your skin pores. Two people no matter how nice will disagree on the smallest issues and the pettiest of things can send them down each other’s throats.
So following my Sweet Assumptions, I am passing my Top 10 Pre-nup Agreements. Sweetie, I know you have yours topped with ‘stop writing about the tiniest details of our lives’ but before that list gets signed and sealed, please refer to below:
Bookshelves for my books – everything else we can negotiate or can wait, but not this indulgence. I need them to keep sane. ‘Ayt, I promise to give away to college students the romance novels from Book Sale so we will not have to keep those you are ashamed of piled in the cabinets.
Pressure Cooker – we need kitchen aids to prepare better meals and we need this to tenderize beef!
Spacious kitchen. Sweet escape.
***Pressing clothes – sweetie, I can do the laundry without complaining, even hand wash your knitted pullovers if necessary. But please let’s leave to the dependable Mr. Laundryman downstairs the job of pressing your dress shirts, we will make more friends and it will both save us from distress.
***Let me off to the grocery store alone when we are in a hurry or hungry. You’re just so wonderful accompanying me to the grocery, really. Not all men do that happily more so volunteer, but when it’s lunch or dinner time and we’re dizzy, you know the fastest way is to pick your trusted brand or pick whatever you already have in mind. Deciding which brand of honey doesn’t have to be like making a history. #iloveyou
No action thriller movies – like Taken or psychological thriller Orphan. I know watching movies together is one of your ideas of ‘quality time’, thank you. But please, we have it established I have a china heart for torture in any form and we will just end up in a row if you force me to endure movies that stir ultra-heightened emotions. Knowing you are just nearby is already quality time with me. Consider it your ‘me’ time - I’ll chill some Heinekens, pop some corns, you can invite over the boys.
Bad hair days – we will wake up with one or come home with one. Not necessarily because of each other but one will be inevitably pain in the ass to the other. The same way I bombard you with 1 new sms/sec that drives you crazy. Please continue being patient and understanding.
Understand PMS-ing – Stop sneering, I’m not making it up, promise! Every grown up woman goes through that… every month.
The endless teasing and the bad sport – it’s like cats and dogs, like cause and effect, the one attracts the other like magnet. So either we end up rolling on the floor laughing, me crying or us fighting. But I guess we have to live with that. We have years of practice.
Happy pills – remember we are stuck with each other: a vase of flowers once in a while can brighten our day, or a pup when we are settled will allow us think of other living things, and space for our own hobbies and interests will give us room to grow individually, etc… etc… let us not forget those along with dinner dates occasionally.
*** Emergency situations can be negotiated.