Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Clinks and Clanks



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Chapter 2

She wears a layer of wide and slim gold bangles around her tiny arms that clinks and clanks as she moves her hand to sweep her curls or cover my own hands resting on the table. The teardrop-shaped tiny danglers of her shoulder-length chandelier earrings dance below her ears as she tosses her head to nod or smile – a reminiscent of a wind chime at a farmhouse’s doorstep. If your imagination is as wild as mine, you can add the joyous chirps of the passing flock of birds in the scenario.

Her smile is as warm as her embrace and if the  iron wrought coffee table in between us prohibits her from reaching me fully, she holds me in enveloping clasp through her eyes.

I named her WISDOM. And yeah, you can book me to a Psychiatrist now, I turned into schizo… tada!!!

Immaturity and the anonymity of her being, pushed me to running away as fast as I could whenever I bump her in the bars, catch her shadows at train stations or as the air blows the scent of her perfume.

Until exhaustion and dehydration left me lifeless at the deep end of the pit and I found her reaching out with her hand while the other shaking a glass of frozen margarita in the air – well, you guessed it right, the drink was just a figment of my imagination... :)

The next thing I know, after she helped me on my seat opposite her in the unfamiliar dim-lit room and after an hour and more of uncontrollable sobs and tears and sweat-smudged mascara and foundation I subjected her into, I welcomed without resistance the embrace of this haloed creature.

Yeah, deep inside my sober being was a familiarity of her. But to some, friendship does not happen in an instant. And to top it all, I’m six pockets and a bag full of strings of missteps and heartaches I knotted myself into.

There goes the free consultation to my winged friend to help me haul from my self-inflicted misery, she called it ‘normal abnormality', interesting and comforting :). This is while I am consoling a friend in the same ordeal. A weekend of enduring 30 episodes of Gossip Girl without being able to detach myself while I know it’s purely fictional and their lives and lies have nothing to do with my life. Sleeping and waking until my eyes bleed with Andrei Agassi’s OPEN without understanding anything about tennis. Dining out with non-fictional friends and hibernating unexpectedly, missing my church activities and all. Reliving histories and enumerating excuses to have other people to blame... ‘PATHETIC’ is quite an understatement, yes.

A few more desperate days later and 3 kilos weight gain due to oversleeping and binge eating, Wisdom peeped through my window (the first of many) and dropped to my bedside a box neatly tied with a golden bow (one of Wisdom's special perks). Perfectly knotted that I wouldn’t dare to untie... And guess what, inside was a gift of choice to leave my old life for a brand new heart. A fist-size life supporting organ with not a single stitch evident to show the unnecessary drama after drama that I tortured the old one with. On the hindsight, it’s not bad to lose things or people which and who are lovely but health hazardous, perfectly right?... Including an organ.

“I was hoping it was a bangle or a nice bag”, I muttered without a single hint of disappointment but instead with the widest smile that my mouth can stretch and of course the stream of tears flowing on my cheeks to make the scene more dramatic.

“Close your eyes my love, this is just the beginning. Look back into the past to forget the hurt but not to ask: what ifs. Count your tears and thread them like precious beads. Not to remind you of the knots that cause you pain, but a priceless jewelry that come out of it. Instead of mistakes, why not call them experience?”

Yes, why not? With the newly painted red toenails, a brand new heart works best.


In next chapter: Following FAITH


19 comments:

  1. I guess learning to start a new is having the wisdom to appreciate life and also the maturity to learn from past experiences.

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  2. your article sounds a bit of desperation through narration ... it seems that you had been in a very sad situation . I hope all is well .

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  3. Love your profoundness Ana!!! I can relate to what you've just written.. I especially love the last part that you quoted. It really is better to see the good in the bad, and to rise up even after a bad fall.. Wisdom is truly one of the bestest friends we can have in times like these. :)

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  4. Nicely written. I somehow find a resemblance to my life story... haha. I know, we know, we have to move forward and just learn from all the pains of the past but sometimes, it isn't as easy as how we think it is. :)

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  5. Guess I have to look for Chapter 1. Seems a good read to follow.

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  6. Nice read. Very sad though, hope it will have happy ending. ^_^

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  7. Isn't it great to see a light after being in darkness and desperation for so long. What we must always remember that there is hope after the pain =)

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  8. Desperation, aspiration, inspiration. Live, love, eat and smile. Life is beautiful. I hope everything is OK with you. :)

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  9. Great article write up but the story of it is a bit sad or depressing. I hope that, if the article is about you, all is well as I write this comment of mine.

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  10. Experience is our best teacher - they say. And I must agree to this. Sometimes its kinda ill to accept that we have to get hurt first before we listen and learn. Pains makes us stronger. Hang in there. Prayers will also help a lot. *sending my hugs to you now...*

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  11. Not thinking of the what ifs because you should live in the now.

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  12. nice write up here. You might want to post it at deviantart.com

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  13. Nice read although a little sad and depressing but I hope it turned out to be a happy ending. Anyway, just like what the song says "there's a rainbow always after the rain"

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  14. I need you need to post the link of chapter 1. this is a great read for me. mejo may pagka-sad lng.. but its nicely written

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  15. This is nice:

    "Count your tears and thread them like precious beads."

    Oh my! The deepest of feelings unfolded before me just by reading this quite interesting or should I say... very inviting story. WOW!

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  16. I like these line "Count your tears and thread them like precious beads. Not to remind you of the knots that cause you pain, but a priceless jewelry that come out of it. " For me it means that for every sufferings/ trials we've been through it makes us of who we are today and we should consider that there is a purpose for our life.

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  17. Instead of mistakes, why not call them experience? I like that! Love the wisdom behind those words and the rest on that paragraph. Very inspiring especially in times of challenges.

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  18. agree, experiences, both happiness and pain, makes us who we are. we should be thankful for both... because it is part of life and we experienced it. Yahweh bless.

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  19. If a student read this story to me, as a SPED teacher I may have two reactions: one that my student is a gifted writer. Two, I need to talk to her parents soon.

    You see that is the dilemma for a teacher: when to say if the child is just using her feelings to express her creativity in writing and when to tell if its a call for help. If we reacted to soon and alert the parents and supervisors, the child may never show us this side of themselves anymore and we might lose a gifted writer in the process. On the other hand, if the letter results to a child hurting herself in the process and we get blamed for not acting too soon.

    Anyway, it seems you are old enough to say when your writing is used as an emotional outlet and when it is a cry for help. And I do hope to read a more positive interpretation of the word wisdom soon.

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